I was wrong. I apologise. I thought that a trauma bond was when two people who are deeply traumatised come together into a relationship and are connected by none other than the trauma which they have experienced which they negatively fuel in one another, and which goes untreated.
However, this can still be the case. If someone has been abused then the trauma bond that exists between them and their abuser can lead them to develop other trauma bonds reflecting attachments made by creating a repetitive ‘physical or emotional trauma with positive reinforcement’ (Safer spaces). Overall, a trauma bond is perpetuated between an abuser and their victim and is ongoing in every sense.
Here are my top 3 tips for escaping these kind of tumultuous, unpredictable relationships:
Read information which affirms your beliefs that you are indeed in a circumstance you are trying to escape. This will help you to paint a realistic perception of the person you are dealing with to then be able to hopefully communicate with individuals who can help you escape and possible organisations too. It’s like being in High School and having to report to those who will help you regardless of how difficult that first step is.
Focus on what you can in the moment to escape your challenging situation. If you think too far into the future, you can risk painting a glamourised perception of the individual you are trying to get away from, believing that they will change because you have developed an unhealthy attachment to them and what is termed as ‘future faking’ and is essentially, lies about the future. It helps them to write down your goals and ambitions but regard them as separate from the bond you no longer wish to remain in.
Remain calm. I know it can be very annoying to hear that or have to comprehend it but it is essentially. If you do not remain calm then you risk giving into emotions like anxiety and paranoia that lead you to making rash decisions including trying to do to your abuser what is being done to you. You do not have to be like them, you can like you and build and grow separately from them.
Thank you for reading this. As always stay blessed and look after yourself
Sources used:
https://www.saferplaces.co.uk/blog/traumabond#:~:text=A%20trauma%20bond%20is%20a,harder%20to%20break%20free%20from.
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