On behalf on some strange level of generosity which has possessed me recently, here's 10 tips for creating and sustaining good and healthy romantic relationships and connections which have been tried and tested and are indeed very highly favoured (in no particular order):
1.Don’t be afraid to be yourself - Suppression leads to hiding and secrecy because in a sense, you may not feel fully comfortable around them, being yourself. Now this could be due to fears of judgement in general stemming from insecurities and most typically a strong need to engage in healing from past, difficult relationships but then that is an indication that you will continue to be lost in this one if you are constantly suppressing your emotions and sides of your character and need to practice soul searching before ‘settling down’…But that leads me to my next point.
2. Develop a well rounded understanding of how your partner communicates - This doesn’t mean starting petty arguments all around the clock and doing things purely to get reactions to collect data. You are in a relationship with someone you care for so ‘testing’ them is synonymous with manipulation and poor treatment but understanding their love languages when it comes to exchanging gifts and acts of service for example, and understanding their argument styles and how they cope in general with stress and hardship will give you a well rounded insight into your partners communicative style beyond merely what they say and is a fundamental basis for ALL relationships.
3. Don’t neglect yourself - Tip number 3 is quite similar to the well known phrase ‘love yourself first’ and whilst I do fully agree with that, I don’t think self love is always a linear, easily planned-out process; kind-of like healing. I believe this because unexpected scenarios and triggers along your life journey can force you to reevaluate and reestablish ways to engage in self love and caring practices that you never had to before. And it’s not impossible to do this when in a relationship. But remember that you are a whole, not incomplete without a significant other and that you are responsible for catering to yourself at the most basic minimum. Don’t let yourself go because you unreasonably expect the other to pander to you, and simultaneously, don’t leave them high and dry by going on an alleged ‘self-love’ splurge. Give to them whilst giving to yourself and compromise in a way that is not selfish and/or self sabotaging.
4. Work hard, play hard - Invest into the things that will allow you to support and sustain yourself and your partner. Don’t be so caught up in working so much that it causes you to neglect them and the life you created. Remember that it’s important to be able to live at a basic level of subsistence but don’t be so obsessed with needing to ‘live’ by a certain standard that you forget to be alive. Whatever your beliefs are on how many lives we lead and opportunities we get, the life you are living now is incomparable with any other and you deserve to live it well, with both you and your snuggly buddy - so get a good balance of responsibilities and relaxation and don’t get caught in the chase of living a life so far outside of your means to the point where you forget that you wanted your loving romancer around in the first place.
5. Make time - Now comes inspirations from everybody in the 21st centuries’ favourite quote: ‘If he wanted to, he would’. However, I will not be unpacking this quote and my thoughts toward it because I believe that it is not a monolithic phrase, although that doesn’t reduce its relevance, especially in this current age. To support my point better, I would prefer to use the quote: ‘There is a difference between someone who uses their free time to speak to you and someone who frees up their time to speak to you’. And just because I’m writing this doesn’t mean that words trump actions or that you should go and call him excessively whilst he is at work just to say ‘hi’, when you know that he has an important deadline to make. But instead I would urge you to consider what you may be able to do to make ‘his’ day a little less stressful if you are aware of this deadline that he needs to make and has been worried about all week to the point of it having a visible physical toll on him? Similarly, if you see a restaurant or nice venue location on your way back from your shift that you know she will like, then why not make time to take her there when you don’t have to work, because you know she has been wanting to go on an outing and spend some alone time with you for a while? And these options are not gender/sexuality specific nor are they indicative of spending excessive amounts of money to bring them into fruition…but showing that you care by making time is something that everybody wants and deserves.
6. Chivalry isn’t dead - As soon as I decided that this was going to be number 6, I immediately got excited because discussing chivalry is exciting to me, to be honest. And to be even more honest, I do not think that it is dead at all, I mean…the ‘sidewalk’ rule is still a massive thing for women in the 21st century and I can think of many who would very much love to be chauffeured by foot by whomever called for the date and just as a general act of good will. So, my advice would be to not avoid dedicating time to understanding these traditional acts which once had societies in a chokehold at various points in time historically. Regardless of your thoughts and feelings toward whether they are necessary, (which I believe is for you to discuss with your partner) in your relationship, understanding them in terms of what they are and why they were so important in shaping and guiding romantic connections and relationships cannot hurt at all and can actually broaden deep conversations between you and your partner and allow you to learn more of their wants and needs better, and vice versa.
7. Avoid popular toxicity - This tip applies to both men and women because unfortunately we live in a day and age of freedom of speech having run amok and all forms of toxicity being glamourised on a mass scale, covering all kinds of crime and malicious acts which goes against love, respect and romance. This is significant because it is especially different from the act of these toxic behaviours and actions themselves, the words we speak which pardon them and allow them to take over our thought processes, such as; glamourising financial manipulation via fraud and scamming men in the sense of using them for free meals, trips and the like. This completely eradicates any form of actual loving romance of course but what is most concerning is that is removes any kind of process following into a genuine, romantic bond as well as simply being completely fake and staged! There is no way that you can pretend to love somebody you are scamming financial (relevant to both genders), belittling, degrading, abusing, manipulating etc, in the name of liberation and modern approaches. This is not loving and I strongly urge you not to fall into the trap of thinking that it is when it really is just all talk.
8. Avoid dating simply to ‘one up’ your ex - Research from multiple testimonies clearly show that both men and women bringing up their ex’s very early on in a new potential relationship is a major RED FLAG. And I couldn’t agree more because: 1) Are you on a date with your ex for closure and a berating session, or are you there to get to know somebody new?, and 2) Why would you give a stranger (basically) the recipe to hurt you in the same way your ex may have? I spoke earlier on in this lovely list about suppression and how it is to be perceived as a negative trait for building long lasting relationships but having discretion and using it is different and a wise approach and choice for a person you have just met and only been on 1-2 dates with/known for a short period of time. Of course some people on dates are very keen to know this information but that requires you to dig inward and assess whether you are comfortable discussing those details at such an early stage and also whether the other party may be simply dating for revenge, rather than to rebuild.
9. Playing hard to get is outdated - My penultimate piece of advice calls for self reflection and I am but am not specifically @‘ing women here but ladies, how long are you going to make a guy chase you before you give him even the slightest indication of your interest in him? Whilst I understand the thrill of the chase for both sides, playing hard to get eventually will turn into him completely losing interest in you and instead going for someone who does show some kind of reciprocity. If it is not in your nature to be so accessible, I understand but you can’t be in a relationship without compromise and understanding, and I have indeed noticed that this is more of an issue in heterosexual relationships.
10. Don’t get into the habit of believing that you are undeserving of love - My final tip is for everybody and it is very much what the number indicator states it is - you are deserving of love! From one individual who has been in various unfulfilling and unloving scenarios to another with potentially the same experience or from me, Karen, to an individual who is scared to step into that dating pool for the first time, you deserve it and you’re worth it and I know that that is a massive cliche but it is true and anyone making you doubt that, kick them to the curb (figuratively though, not literally).
I hope that you found my advice useful and make sure to check out my other blogs which cover various health, beauty and lifestyle topics, check me out on Instagram: @ldxbootique for frequent updates on all things lifestyleaddxct, and if interested; register your interest via email for the last week of my online dance event with details under the ‘Programs’ tab.
Stay blessed all
-From K xx
Commentaires